Monday, November 16, 2009

Does this make me a narcisist?

I was just wondering if this made me a narcisist as I really hate narcisists and looking at a little of my behavior it kinda shares some traits which kinda disturbs me. Here are some personality traits of mine

I do kung fu and I try really hard not really to impress people but to do my form like I mean it and to be honest partially to gain the respect of peers but mainly to train.

I can easily detach myself from my emotions

while I can empethize with others I usually dont need to because I really dont encounter the situations required.

I take pride in my martial arts abilities.

It would bother me if I became just a mediocre student in my class instead of being one of the good ones but I think thats just my competative spirit.

I do believe in chi ( spiritual energy , which apparently makes me a schizoid even though its a commonly accepted belief among practitioners because we can feel it. but Im not gonna get into that.

Does this make me a narcisist?
I think you've been reading to many psychological disorders! No you are not a narcissist. They only think about self and are always saying I, I, I, I, . It's all about them. We all have to have some pride in ourselves and the achievements we've made. You don't need any site to look on. There's nothing wrong with you!
Reply:I think the fact that you are worried about being narcissistic precludes you from being described that way. it's okay to take pride in what you do and want to show off your talents and abilities. and even if you do sometimes have narcisistic tendencies, it's not like its incurable...just stay aware and always work forward, never back, to correct behavior you dislike in yourself. I don't know of any sites that test for narcissism, but there might be something in the DSM (for mental disorders) and you can usually find that in a public library. There's no shame in wanting to be the best at what you do. I think that's actually preferrable to not caring.
Reply:you're not a narcissist, you just really take pride in what you do, and detaching from your emotions easily is just a sign of no emotional depth, its not a bad thing, actually its more of a good thing because you now know you don't have a high chance of being clinically insane. so don't worry, you're so worried about not becoming what you hate, that you'll end up driving yourself to believe you could become narcissistic.
Reply:No, not a narcissist, just a poor speller. Nothing wrong with an ego, as long as it stops short of arrogance. For a lesson in humility, spar with an experienced BJJ martial artist. It will take you down a peg or two, good for the soul.
Reply:Very doubtful.

Check this out...
Reply:everyone's narcistict to a certain degree. and believe me, i'm like you when i want to be the top of the class. being mediocre would be crapp bc you dont really stand out and you're not that speciall
Reply:Look the word up in Wikipedia. I just did and it is very interesting.

If you do it will help you define yourself, you seem to have looked at yourself and know who you are.

There are variations to the meaning.

I learned some about myself.

Thanks for the question.
Reply:im fairly sure your not a narcisist

flowers anniversary

Martial arts?

i'm going to train in martial arts very seriously and how do you think this plan sounds:

get the 3rd belt in tkd(tae kwon do)

get the 3rd belt in bjj(brazilian jiu jutsu)

take kickboxing once or twice a week for cardio purposes

get the 3rd belt in karate

get the 3rd belt in kung fu

and i'm going to try to get a black belt in which ever one i like best while i work on ninjutsu and get to the highest rank there.

do u think it sounds okay and which parts should i correct?

Martial arts?
First ask yourself why you are taking martial arts and give yourself an honest answer!


(Not my objective so this is a guess!)

Yours sounds like a fairly decent method...

Sample from the buffet of martial arts to see which you like best and in which you have the most natural talent.

Then focus on that ONE!


Any martial art with an under-laying philosophy of internal development will do. I would just pick one and stick with it.

Many kung fu disciplines do not use the belt system.

In kung fu it is not what you can demonstrate on the outside that counts, but how you progress on the INSIDE.

The INTERNAL martial arts take MUCH LONGER to learn than the external martial arts do because:

First you must master YOURSELF!

Reply:do muay thai instead of tkd
Reply:Well, it depends on your goal. If you're looking at serious competition, frankly, you should focus more narrowly instead of trying to do everything, say by just training in karate and "zhoo-zhitsu" but doing it more often, instead of trying to go to a different dojo every night. There's a phrase, " A jack of all trades is a master of none."

"ninjitsu" schools are often a little dodgy. There are really only a couple of 'legitimate' groups of ninja - the bujinkan and the genbukan, iirc. They don't get along well, either. Any school not affiliated with one of them is probably kind of "fly by night" I know ninjitsu looks super cool and I understand your interest, but you have to ask yourself if your goal is learning to fight or learning something that has the name you saw on TV. I would suggest ninjitsu only for someone with a nostalgic interest in things like swordfighting - if you're learning real ninjitsu, really only the cardio is directly applicable to modern martial arts, since you can't really carry a sword or other ninja weapons for defense or use them in competitions (other then weapons kata competitions)

Also, not all of those arts have the same belt system.

Saw your "additional details" above, and I do want to mention that you shouldn't close your mind to muay thai, 'regular' boxing or judo. Your time would be better spent in a club that teaches any one of those then a cardio kickboxing class (real kickboxing is pretty good cardio anyway, as is BJJ grappling or judo randori)
Reply:I say go for it, if its meant to be then you will be able to accomplish it...its all learning even if you fail.
Reply:You would be a lot better off concentrating on 1 or at most 2 styles %26amp; getting good at them.
Reply:ummmm.... do you have a calendar projection for how long this will take? It can take sometimes years to get a 1st degree black belt, let alone a thrid.

Even then, the belt color is no indication of your overall skills as a fighter. It is merely a sign that you have at least satifactory knowledge- according to the school- of the kattas, styles, or whatever required for the belt.

I myself have gotten easily around the defences of several blackbelts or other higher rankings.

Try doing CAPOEIRA to that list, it is fun and bad a$$. Check out you tube for capoeira videos (sul de bahia or batuque)
Reply:and you are going to achieve what????pick a good stand up style such as freestyle karate and keep it as a base and cross train in muay thai and ground /grappling styles.wher did you get the crap you have in this question?
Reply:If you are going to do ninjutsu, then do it and nothing else, because of the way we train, you will have to unlearn alot of things. We don't just train with swords and other weapons, we have a lot of unarmed techniques. I'd say a majority of my training was without weapons.
Reply:I think it sounds good but don't over load yourself. There really is no need for kickboxing just for cardio you'll get that with the others. Getting to the highest rank in Ninjutsu will take a life time to achieve as most schools have up to dan 15 and have age requirments for each dan.
Reply:kinda sounds like you're overcompensating for something...pick a style or 2 at the most and master those....and just a warning BJJ takes years and years and years to even get a black belt, its a lifelong quest as is some of the other arts you've listed
Reply:I'm not reading that you're going to get third BLACK belt, just the THIRD BELT (often orange, yellow, or green), right?

Dude, what's your hurry? Why not go watch one or two classes in each of those style THEN pick MAYBE two to focus on.

For the record, you'll very often tick off a lot of instructors if your focus is spread too thinly. And you have no focus to speak of with this "plan."
Reply:Sounds like you want to take a system that teaches you everything. You should look into Jeet Kune Do, it teaches you what works and you apply it to real life situations, it is fun.. and there is rankings too. Level 1-13 i believe. 13 being head master. 1 being beginner.
Reply:that is a good plan just start at a slow past and then go fast. you jut don't went to hurt yourself.
Reply:One thing that pops to the forefront is, How are you going to use this combined knowledge? Do you just want to kick butt at a moments notice? You mention getting to "3rd Belt" in differents styles which really will only give you the smallest taste of what a style has to offer. One thing to consider is how you plan to attack or defend. If someone is more of a wrestler type, he/she might fight totally facing forward. Another person might wish to fight in a turned stand or perhaps in a totally side stance, as I found with Okinawate.

Consider both the inner and outer self. If you are a "Brute" outwardly, will you be able to be a calm master inwardly? Does this matter? One thing I thought might be good would be Aikido. Teaches to use the foes energy against themselves. Another thing to consider instructors who are "Purists". Some "Masters" do not want to see their art tainted. Well, one thing for sure, you have alot of workouts ahead. As someone in the health field I warn you to watch out for injuries that are not taken care of properly. Good luck!
Reply:Set your goals high, and abandon all hope of ever achieving them, my teacher tells his students.

Do you spar with pads or not?

I am practicing kung fu. When we spar, it's without pads. All we wear is a cup, and if we're going full contact, a mouthpiece. IMO, this is the best way to train. You don't learn how to take a hit unless you get hit. Does anyone agree with me? Yes or no, why? And, finally, what do you study, and why?

Do you spar with pads or not?
We never trained with pads, mouthpieces, cups, or whatnot in my Dojang and we DID fight hard. We were not out to kill each other but we were full contact. Of course, we were forbidden to use groin shots and face shots (side of the head was OK) in sparring. Both did, of course, occasionally occur.

These things were optional and some chose to use them (cups, mouthguards). Some did, most did not.

I did not.

I believe it is better to learn to not get hit in the nuts, kicked in the face, and develop the conditioning in your forearms and lower legs to take it. Also, if you do not take a punch or a kick, how are you going to learn to take a punch or a kick?

A large part of our training was exactly that: conditioning to take it.

One of the problems my Kwanmates and I had with tournaments was putting all of that stuff on. We had it at the Dojang and, if someone wanted to fight tournament, they had to practice with it, including that aweful chest pad with those silly dots and the headgear. Ugh.

When you are accustomed to sparring without it, trying to use these things is like sparring with, well, a bunch of pads covering you, hindering your movement. It felt like what I would imagine it would feel like fighting from within a Stay Puff Marshmallow Man suit. Once I tried all that claptrap on and tried to spar with it... I got out of it as fast as possible and that was the last time I tried it.
Reply:video of you sparring please, and tell me the name of the school please.
Reply:In my training we never used pads, gloves, or any other sort of gear like that. Everything was completely full contact. ANY sort of gear only serves to make those areas less protected as you wil ot think of them, "I don't neet to worry about my groin, I hvae a cup." And then you forget to protect it when you have to. I have seen it happen.

I fully agree you can't learn to take a hit unless you actually get hit.

As for what I studied I studied the Hakuno-kai system of Japanese Bushido. Been teaching sicne 79.
Reply:kung fu eh? Good choice . Check out The guy is a kung fu phenom!!

He trains and teaches a couple off mma fighters at the moment . One of them being a guy called Neil Broadbent who practises his kung fu in the cage . Watching him fight is a savage experience mate. None of his fights have lasted more than 45 seconds , he is a pro fighter and guess what . He trains just like you do . Keep it up dude .
Reply:Most of us at our gym(Richmond MMA)aren't fighters but we train with the pads on. Even the two guys that have had a few fights train with pads. Not necessary to injure someone in training. With pads on, still able to train timing and defense. Grappling, we train nogi w/cup and mma gloves and mouthpiece.
Reply:The reason why you dont wear pads is because we are taught to exercise control. It takes more skill to kick within an inch of somebody than to simply hit them.
Reply:Ju Jitsu, generally light sparring is done without pad, but with a mouth piece. Heavy sparring is done with gloves and footpads. Agreed, without pads gives you some sense of what a real fight will feel like....
Reply:i prefer not to use anything,but i got fed up with sooks whingeing about there shins.
Reply:without pads is the best way to kick butt.....spar
Reply:I agree with you. Mouthguard and cup for the guys is all you need. I do BJJ and a very little bit of MMA, so I'm def. inclined to agree with you
Reply:I train in Bentonville, AR; in this dojo we use a lot of gear... foot, hand, helmet... some use more (karate... style shorin ryu)

at my old school in VA we used mouthpiece and helmet... added hand pads for tournaments... (karate... isshin ryu)

I in a way prefer no pads (with exception of helmet... I like my head)

not sure as to why... it just seems easier to move in.
Reply:Um, I do when I do the tournaments. At least, I'm going to.
Reply:we begin sparring when we are at a lower belt, therefore padding is essential because of the fact that people at lower ranks need to learn control before we can go padless. We spared once after class with only handpads. No padding teaches control, however I would be weary sparring someone who is just learning for fear that they could not control themselves. Anyway, I can feel when someone hits me through pads, just as much as sparring with out them.

I study jujistu.

Bruce Lee Movie - horse whip and clay pots?

I'm looking for the title of a martial arts movie. It stars someone that, as a child, I thought was Bruce Lee, but it may be one of the "pretenders to the throne" after he died. I saw it on television, Saturday morning "Kung Fu Theater." Here is what I remember:

He ran a martial arts school.

He got beat up.

He trained hard (can you say montage?), by kicking clay pots filled with water.

He fought bad guy after bad guy, and even fought a guy who was on a horse, who weilded a whip. This scene, I think, was shot on a green-grass field with trees planted in rows.

The end bad guy had a white uniform with a wide red belt.

Our hero, of course, was the victor.

I know this could describe multiple movies, and I saw it so long ago (likely 1982 or thereabouts). Any help is appreciated.

Bruce Lee Movie - horse whip and clay pots?
It's not a Bruce Lee movie. But it might be Prodigal Son with Biao Yuen.
Reply:Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story

is a movie that may help

available to rent or purchase

via this site

(download to PC)


Reply: %26lt;%26lt;%26lt; hope you find the answers here...(just wait alittle longer for it to load)
Reply:Hmmm... sounds a little like "Way of the Dragon", but I can't really remember the horse thing. Chuck Norris was the big baddie in the end, wearing all white, but I think he might've had a black belt - not a red one.

Basic plot, he visits relatives in Italy where they run a restaurant. The restaurant is harrassed by some sort of gangsters who want to buy the property. Regular story - Bruce doesn't want to fight but gets backed into a corner and has to fight the fighter-for-hire Chuck Norris. Cool movie just to watch Bruce Lee and Norris square off at the end.

On the other hand, if it's one of the Bruce Lee wannabes, I'd have no idea. There's far too many of them.
Reply:Sounds like all of the kung fu movies, Sorry
Reply:Sounds Like .

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story

Star Eric lee / Not Family

Out of these movies which one are you interested in?


Be kind rewind

Charlie Bartlett




10,000 B.C.

College road trip


Funny games

Horton hears a who



Meet the browns


Superhero movie

Stop Loss



The ruins


Prom Night (remake)


88 minutes




Iron Man


Speed racer


Chornicles of narnia 2

Midnight meat train


Indiana jones 4


Sex and the city: the movie

The strangers


Kung fu panda

Don't mess with the Zohan


Incredible hulk

The happening


Get smart

The love guru






Kit Kittredge


Hellboy 2


Dark knight

Mamma Mia!


X Flies 2


mummy 3


sister of the traveling pants 2


star wars: clone wars

wild child


I know what boys I like


Babylon A.D.





Family preys together




Death race


The express


Soul men




High school musical 3

Saw V


Madagascar 2


Harry Pitter 5






Friday 13

Out of these movies which one are you interested in?
That's a lot of movies. You should try going for a walk in the park sometimes. :-)

The Dark Knight sounds like it wll suck the least.
Reply:hellraiser and friday the 13
Reply:funny games
Reply:None of the above.
Reply:Friday The 13th
Reply:Sex and the City...can't wait for May!!!!
Reply:all of them
Reply:You sure picked some crappy movies...but I'd go with Hellraiser.

Oh, I didn't see Sex and the City on there...cant wait to see that one!
Reply:Indiana Jones- Just because my friend was an extra in that movie and they filmed part of the movie in my town

Mammia Mia- because i saw it on Broadway and it was a greatttt musical.

Harry Potter 5- just because, i've seen the other 4 and its pointless to stop now!

and my personal all time favorite which i cannot CANNOT wait for......... X-FILES 2 OMGOMGOMGOMGMGM.

Reply:10,000 b.c. and friday the 13th
Reply:OK being dumb here but I never heard of any of them...If you made them up,,,I would love to see College Road Trip,,sounds like a fun one for sure.

I actually saw 2 that look familiar,,,Indiana Jones 4 and Momma Mia....But the rest are ?????
Reply:charlie bartlett

sex and the city movie


sisterhood of the travelling pants 2

harry potter 5
Reply:madagascar 2
Reply:x-files 2
Reply:None of the all in any industry.

Movies are ways to derail people from right track.

These are immoral.

These are inhuman.

These have really bad effect on moral of a person.

These are unethical.

These are unacceptable.
Reply:the dark knight

i know what boys like

be kind rewind
Reply:College Road trip

88 minutes

Speed racer

Chornicles of narnia 2

Midnight meat train

Sex and the city: the movie

Get smart

The love guru

Hellboy 2

mummy 3

I know what boys I like

Death race


High school musical 3

Saw V

Madagascar 2

Harry Potter 5


Friday 13

Reply:lol can't believe I'm saying this but High School Musical 3. I'm not too fussed about the others... also Semi-Pro looks hilarious!
Reply:get smart chornicles of narnia 2 indiana jones... and speed racer
Reply:Funny Games

Stop Loss

88 Minutes (only because it's Pachino - thought it was ok when it was called Crank)

Iron Man (but I'm not sold on Robert Downey Jr as a super hero)

Speed Racer

Indiana Jones - I can't wait for this one



Hellboy 2

The Dark Knight

Harry Potter 6 (#5 came out last year)

Quantum of Solace (The next James Bond)
Reply:In glancing through, I think Indiana Jones and Dark Knight are the ones I'm looking forward to.
Reply:the dark knight!
Reply:The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... Best movie of the year!!!!! most anticipated movie of the year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's gonna crush the rest of th movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But, plaese don't call it Chronicles of Narnia 2, Because the production crew of the movie asked people to call It The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian, because they're werent making a sequel, but a whole new movie.
Reply:Indiana Jones IV, Narnia, Star Wars: Clone Wars, Iron Man... That's about it.

birthday flowers

Is American Kenpo UNDERRATED?

I crosstrain in several different styles, because I feel that it is the best way to train, BUT American Kenpo has recently peaked my interest, because it is unique when compared to other TRADITIONAL martial arts. American Kenpo seems to focus more on practical self-defense techniques as opposed to the spiritual aspects that traditional martial arts does( such as Kung Fu). Also American Kenpo is never "stationary". meaning it evolves with the TIMES! For example Kenpo know incorporates grappling into it's style. A lot of other styles still WON'T incorporate grappling into it's style! My school has been doing it for over 10 years. ALSO American Kenpo trains to fight OTHER skilled fighters, unlike many other martial arts which focus on techniques against UNTRAINED fighters. This Kenpo Karate website explains it best...................

What do you think? Is there other martial arts which you feel are underrated?

Is American Kenpo UNDERRATED?
American Kenpo is a great and eclectic martial art. Being of both Japanese and Chinese in origin, it is a good mix. Also, I like the fact that you specify the discipline as "American" as Ed Parker, who is regarded as "the father of American martial arts" essentially brought the discipline to the mainland from Hawaii.

I believe the reason Kenpo may be underrated is the same reason as to why other disciplines (especially Chinese boxing and TKD) are: there are many "McDojo's" and bad schools in general. As I did train in Kenpo for a time, I can honestly say that I enjoyed it and found a lot of it to be effective, but that was due to my having a good teacher - for a little while before she was replaced by a slick used car salesman type to generate more revenue.

This was also around the same time as the association of schools started to try to market "Shaolin Kenpo", which to me is like going to Italy to get a good burrito (they don't really relate!). Schools like this that try to generate revenue at the expense of a discipline's integrity dishonor and insult the discipline in question. Kenpo is a good discipline on its own, but this school made it a farce, and sadly, people will judge the entire discipline on a few crappy schools who charge way too much for what they offer.

I agree with you. American Kenpo is underrated. I would say at this day and age, though, most traditional systems are underrated thanks to athletic competitions and those who regard them as "real" martial arts.
Reply:Read the blurb on the site 50% accurate 50% salesmens bull **** hype.As I knew MASTER PARKER and was with him just 10 days before his death I can tell you describing him at anytime in his life as a mere "street fighter" is an insult to his memory.

Street fighters are a dime a dozen MASTER PARKER WAS NOT.

If this is your goal in life to be street fighter you are going to lead a very miserable life.

Hopefully you don't run into any real street fighters who will put a blade or bullet in your back.

In that scenario all methods are OVER RATED.

Your cross training in several styles only identifies you as a scared street punk looking for a magic answer .
Reply:American Kenpo is not as widely known as TKD, and many people do not know much about it, but it is not under rated.

Ed Parker was a true Pioneer. He took martial arts to a whole new level with the development of his art.

I am a 100% traditional martial artist... my art is Okinawan Old School, however, If I had the opportunity to learn EP Kenpo, I would in a heartbeat. The theory is based on Okinawan and Chinese arts.

Now, these guys are affiliated with Paul Mills. This guy is bad! (In my opinion) In a good way. Here is some video on him... If Kenpo in under rated, this will fix that...
Reply:It may just be me, but it sounds like you have answered your own question, at least the first part.

In answer to the second part- I feel as if almost all traditional arts are underrated. With all of the hype about MMA and cross training, people seem to forget that those techniques came from traditional martial arts.

Meanning no insult to MMA, I think that is a great sport for people who enjoy that type of thing. But, I feel every one should study a traditional martial art as part of their training. Then they could understand some of the history behind what they are practicing now, and how it has evolved over time.
Reply:As long as you have a good teacher than NO it is a great system.

I have a 5th Dan in Kenpo as well as a Sandan in Shotokan and 1st degree in TKD and I found all three have rounded me out well.

All styles are good only the teacher and student can make it work well or not!

American Kenpo is an excellent art !!!!

An Ed Parker fan !!!
Reply:Kenpo is not wide spread as other arts in my state (or even in my area for that matter). Other associations, federations, etc. don't' have much to say about something they know nothing of or, nothing go to say about another art.

Kenpo is not even found within our local phone book, but what you will find are LARGE CHAIN SPORT KARATE SCHOOLS. I found out about Kenpo (within the city limits) just over 10 years ago at a local martial art supply store.

I feel that kenpo is not well known here because of those 1/4, 1/2 and full page contract karate only schools. Sport karate schools here cater just about anyone, day care programs, before and after classes, privete classes, pick up %26amp; drop off young students, etc.

Has anyone ever expirenced this too?

On yet another brisk day in cold, cold Canada, with the polar bears drinking their Coca-Cola and the whalers waving me a happy hello as I walked down the iceway to school, I felt a sense of bliss and happiness that can only come from being an innocent eight-year-old boy. Being a very precocious child, I deeply enjoyed school, and was always eager to get extra work that the other children didn't (a practice largely contributing to my massive unpopularity for the first sixteen years of my life). My school was a small, very old building in Sydney, Nova Scotia; it would later be torn down to make way for prefabricated houses.

I happily sat through my classes that morning, my third grade teacher talking with me listening attentively and laughing at her jokes, while others poked fingers, pencils, and other various objects into various orifices and threw various scoopings therefrom. After we started to talk about the ever-so-complex matter of plurality involving words ending with the letter X, I grew bored and took a bathroom break; I felt a little like I had to deposit a brown Twinkie.

I waddled off to the bathroom, as I was a pudgy, round little kid (attributing yet more to my gross unpopularity). Upon arriving, I sat my rump down upon the cold porcelain -- remember the polar bears -- and grunted my damnedest. I had not yet realized the way of Poodhism: only when you are at peace with yourself and with the toilet will the negative energy flow out of you. As a consequence, anyone entering the bathroom heard the odd, painful-sounding gruntings of a fat midget on the can.

I pushed and pushed like the Little Train That Could, except my anus was clearly his derailed brother, the Little Train That Couldn't. I resigned myself to standing up, wiping off just in case I'd shot out some raisins without my knowledge, and returning to the classroom. I really didn't like being questioned or confronted by teachers, because I always felt that the vegetative morons in the class (who could murder in front of you your sister, the teacher, and the Governor General, and walk away with no more than a wrist slap) deserved much more of the teacher's scoldings than I did. As a result, whenever confronted, I would respond somewhat sarcastically and harshly.

"What took so long in the bathroom?" my kind-but-inconsiderate teacher demanded in front of the class.

"My digestion," I snappily replied.

I was met with a scowl and a "sit down" accompanied by a plethora of comments from my ‘peers': "Oooh, dee-jess-shun!" "Nerd!" "Weiner!" "Cornelius!" (One really odd kid got kicks out of calling me "Cornelius"; to this day, I don't know why.)

The bell rang and I happily skipped out to the negative two-hundred-and-sixty-two schoolyard. I played, desperately trying to avoid succumbing to the harsh, brutal Canadian elements. And I downed a sandwich of leafy vegetables and mayonnaise, as I really just didn't like meat at the time.

(My lunch is relevant to my story, of course, because the sheer amount of fiber and near total lack of iron in my diet led to some pretty serious powershitting; I pinched loaves regularly three to five times daily. On this day, I hadn't. And this was odd -- very odd.)

We filed back into class upon the sounding of the ice-bell (basically the foghorn from a hockey game). We promptly sat down in our seats and prepared to continue our stimulating discussion on the letter X. It was around this time I felt pockets of gas and other nether-beings moving around down under -- like an Australian rebellion gone hostile, the southern inhabitants were attempting a bloody coup on my brown bastion.

"Hey, no problem," I thought to myself. After all, it was after lunch -- there was very little of the school day left, and I knew I could hold it until I could leave. I knew it, that is, until the proletariat poop in my southern realms, too long held prisoner by the abysmal treatment of my despotic colon, launched one more salvo on the bay doors, and I could feel sheer knife-like pains shooting all through my lower body.

This was going to be a horrific **** -- the kind of **** about which documentaries are made.

Realizing that I could hold it no longer, I raised my hand deftly into the air, waving somewhat urgently. "Yes, Matthew?" the teacher enquired.

"May I go to the bathroom?" I gruntingly replied.

"No. You went before lunch, and you had the entire lunch hour to go. So you stay here until we're done."

The horror!

I knew my doom was approaching. Choosing not to plead with the teacher, I instead decided to consult with the general minding the rebellion, which had now pushed well beyond the poop factory district and was pressing down the Hershey highway with the vigor of a mob only accurately depicted in the works of Mary Shelley. The general advised me that we should form a line; and so I clenched my butt cheeks so hard I swear I split atoms.

Like a row of riot police smashing batons down on filthy unwashed hippies, my *** cheeks faithfully guarded my grey sweatpants from the attackers pressing to put an end to free trade, critical thought, and clean clothing -- assailants wishing to put the last cherry on the cake sealing my unpopularity into the stones of time, ensuring I would be dateless and fat until I was sixty-two. My regard in the public eye was already all but demolished, as the previous week I had shown up to school in a Power Rangers costume, sure that no one would recognize me and that I would somehow have mystical Kung-Fu powers that would allow me to eradicate my oppressors. I had been mistaken.

The pressure grew to a point at which I was sure I would implode. My face was red and I was sweating and grunting loudly, occasionally letting out the odd, sharp-sounding, painfully hot fart. The kids around me knew the end was near and moved away like Englishmen avoiding plague-bearers. I waved my hand frantically to the teacher to allow me release; she denied me yet again.

And there I sat in a conundrum: not wanting to defy my teacher, but not wanting to destroy my life. I was at the pivotal crossroads at which every small child should stand at one point in his or her life: should I disobey the teacher and run to the bathroom, or should I utterly **** myself in front of my peers?

What happened next is terrible. When most people lose control of their bowels, a small lump of matter forces its way out of the anus, and out some more, until eventually you've soiled yourself. But I guess I'm not most people. While I was pondering the nature of defiance verses self-discipline in a heavily introspective debate, I lost control of the forces; and a deadly explosion finished off the rest of my riot police, leaving their scattered remains all about. I had lost control. A terrific and awe-inspiring CRACK of a fart escaped my anus, fueled by the sheer power of one-hundred percent refined green mucky diarrhea. The noise of the farting was a million times amplified by the hard wooden seat against which my *** was situated.

A torrent of green muck escaped me. I sat awestruck, not knowing what to do with myself. The torrent continued until the crap had literally gone down my leg and was now burning my skin with its acidic glop. Eventually my shoes filled with ****, a fact I never let on -- I don't know why **** in my shoes was more embarrassing than **** in my pants, but it was.

As I stood up, tears rolled down my young face. The back of my pants were absolutely saturated in sheer, vile feces. I walked to the bathroom, my shoes making the noises of rubber boots filled with water, splat-splat-splatting along the floor. I plunked myself into a stall and wept.

I ended up inspiring pity in the mother of one of my fellow students, an employee at the school. She gave me an extra pair of pants.

I packed the glob of ****-soaked filth into my backpack and left. I just left.

Thus began the most repulsive walk home I have ever endured.

Has anyone ever expirenced this too?
I had this misfortune but it was manifold more since I was a grownup man not a child like the questioner.I was living in what is called a 'chawl'(one or two room tenements in a multistory building with common lavarories) There are long queues in the morning at the water taps and the lavatories.. It is not unsual some of them are constipated while others are just-go-in-and--come--outs.I was the former and it neessitated to be inside the lavatory pretty early. One day I was a little late to get in and on ac count of the long queue outside faced constant knocking . AS luck would hve it my bowels had almost stuck work that day and refused al formed of cajoling. AT last the pounding became unearable and I decided to come out unrelieved. I did and the man at the top of the queue started to get in and at that very moment my bowel decided to answer my prayers. It sta rted to come out with such a force that I just pushed the aspirant and went inside and relieved myself. soiling my 'dhottee'in the process. I had to beseech the outsuders to run to my room and ask my sone to get a spare underpant quckly and they obliged(Bombaites normally do).When I almost snatched the underpant through the half open door and then meekly came out the soiled pant bndled,h a sheepish face not daring to look at anybody and almost ran to me quarters I could hear the peels and peels of laughter behind me.I may forget the state honour I received in service but not this ignomijy.